What won’t bring peace and joy

Money won’t do it. Money may solve some of life’s problems and bring temporary reliefs, or even joy, but then it brings other types of concerns, such as fear of losing the money.
I guess the people who think money brings happiness are the most happy people who never really had much money. I’ve had the life of famous brand dresses and dinners at five star restaurants. How was it, you may ask? A great tasting dinner is just stuffing after I swallow it, no different from cheap candy bars. Same with any other luxuries. Huh, I still have some of the silk scarfs just as reminders.
Some people go for power and fame. Do they bring peace and joy? Um, I just don’t think so. They bring more headaches and bothersome. (Worldly power comes with responsibilities to others. Do I really want to be so responsible for other people’s wellness? And fame? Do I want to be noticed when I go grocery shopping?)

Relationships


It takes a lot of inner strength to just enjoy what I have now and never to be attached. It doesn’t matter if the partner is committed or not. (If you are really honest, you know you yourself aren’t solid in anything.) This doesn’t mean I don’t want relationships — just as I intend to have reasonable amount of money to have comfortable earthly life, I appreciate good companies — but it does mean relationships are not what bring the kind of peace and joy I want.
I read somewhere that there are only three fundamental things in life anyone can wish for: health, wealth, and relationships. So what about health? I have long believed health is the most essential ingredients in life, basis of all others. But does health bring consistent peace and joy?
It helps, but no, it doesn’t guarantee it. Moreover, the fixation on achieving and staying in health can cause a lot of fear, ironically. When I think of health, I notice there are so many judgments — what is supposed to be good for health and what not. So I am constantly required to make decisions, which is very tiring.

Dualism

All judgements, whether it’s about health or whatever, causes stress. Every time I judge something is good, and therefore make others bad, I sense part of me falling off. Sooner or later the ignored part will come back to me with vengeance. This is the problem of dualism.
How about balancing the good and the bad? Well, balance is possible only momentarily. And again, it’s very tiring.
(This doesn’t mean I intend to eat junk food in favor of “healthy” foods. But it does mean there is an inherent tension in deeming certain foods or lifestyle as “healthy” even when that judgment is scientifically correct. The ironical increase of health problems in recent years, as we gain more and more knowledge of healthy lifestyle, is a proof of this, I think.





Is this even possible then?

So I gather none of the things outside of me can bring the kind of stable peace and joy I want. Well, this is self-evident, actually. I want unwavering peace and joy. The unshakable, absolutely stable peace and joy cannot be dependent on something outside of me, which by nature comes and goes.
At this point, I’m starting to wonder if this is even possible. But then, here is the thing: I don’t believe I can want something I don’t know about. If I don’t know what unshakable peace and joy may be, how could I come up with the wish to have them?

The nature of “wanting”

My wise spirit guides advised me to take a step back. Why do I want unwavering peace and joy?
“Well, they are good qualities, aren’t they? And I don’t like the uneasy feeling that wells up in me from time to time. I don’t like the tension in my stomach. I want to be in the good feeling of peace and joy. . .”
What are the opposite of peace and joy? Fear, unease, tension, difficulty, jealousy, upset, feeling of unworthiness, “suffering” of life. . .
My spirit guides: So, by wanting peace and joy, you are directing your attention to identifying what you find to be peace and joy, therefore making others as non-peace and non-joy, mentally rejecting them. Remember what you just figured out about dualism?
More of spirit guides: I understand you’d prefer what is pleasant for you. Nothing wrong about that. But when you “want” peace and joy, you are resisting what you don’t find to be peace and joy, and that resistance causes a lot of pain, perhaps far more than the original disruption.
That original discomfort would pass pretty quickly if you don’t resist.

Loving all there is

By loving all there is as they are, with no judging, no resisting, no running around to fix it, no preventing it, and so on — everything becomes more or less okay and I end up in peace and joy. And the peace and joy are unaffected by the happenings in my life so they are stable.
When I get what I like, that is great.
When I don’t get what I like, I’m still okay.
When I get what irritates my feelings — ah, how interesting. (Hey, peace doesn’t have to be boring and monotonous!)
Or even better, just quiet my mind and don’t even notice what I am “getting”. Just accept what they are.
I’m going to try this nondualism approach to see how it fits me.